Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
