My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
God, I missed his penis.
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