dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
