When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
