Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
He did a backflip because drugs
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
