Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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