So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
