I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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