She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
