Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
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