Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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