Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
