oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
