yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
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