At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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