I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
