my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
3 2 1 whiskey
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
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