he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Randomize
