dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
