I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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