like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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