You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
