Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
