READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
