Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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