is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
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