He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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