It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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