I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
