I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
