Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
