I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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