just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
