is your mom at the bar?
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
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