I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
