I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
