Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
