i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
