If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Randomize
