um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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