He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
