Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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