Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
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