Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
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