whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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