Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
