Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
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