she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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