she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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