i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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